Demons and Netflix
by IzzyandDesRoxSox
Summary: Our Cenobites friends have all gathered- along with Joey, Elliot, and their baby son- at Kirsty's house for a nonsense occasion when suddenly they discover something behind the newly set-up Wii. A place called Netflix and some movies called 'Hellraiser'..
1. Start the Damn Movie!

DEMONS AND NETFLIX

_**Full Summary:**__ An extremely random crack-fic parody I could not, and I mean absolutely COULD NOT AT ALL resist to make. Originally, this was an intended idea to be placed for my other humor fic 'Hell of Rock', but I decided against it. So I'll make this an independent fic. So now Kirsty, Pinhead, and the others have all gathered about to watch these strangely titled films called 'Hellraiser' that seem to be based off of them. The end result is chaos. Includes some OC's just for the kicks._

_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing of Hellraiser or its characters. Just Evelyn Spencer, Shana Harley/The Feline Cenobite, Leviathan's Mother, Hannah Monroe, Connor Summerskill-Spencer and the Pizza Dude...all in which are my OCs._

_**Please Note:**__ The films will be Hellraiser 1-4 and 6 alone. AKA Hellraiser, Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth, and Hellraiser 4: Bloodline. Oh, and Hellraiser 6: Hellseeker. I did NOT like HR5: Inferno, and from what I've heard of myself, HR7, 8, and definetely 9 are completely stupid. _

_**And for Another Thing: **__Kinda look to this as something a bit of a sequel, very slight sequel to Hell of Rock. But rest assured there are NO SPOILERS to 'Hell of Rock', it's just implied cos, well, very slightly implied as something to happen after HOR, since well, Kirsty and Pinhead are..well...together an' stuff. But also AU from HOR because in HOR, Doc isn't a Cenobite (Camerahead) and Channard didn't become a Cenobite in the original way of HR2. Other than that, enjoy!_

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><p>"Can somebody please explain to me the sense as to WHY in the HELL are all your friends are gathered at our place? !" Kirsty Cotton demanded with an angry frown, placing her hands firmly on her hips, and tapping her foot. Usually, Kirsty herself never seemed to mind unexpected guests or those kind of guests that arrive at last minute or at a random moment.<p>

But the exception to it, boyfriend or not, was finding none other than Xipe Totec, otherwise known as Pinhead, specially known as by her as the lovng adoration nickname of 'Pinny-Poo' and not to be addressed as that by no other- okay look, the point is wouldn't you be pretty pissed to if you found your boyfriend or girlfriend having invited his mutilated 'friends' from Hell?

"Kirsty! Er...greetings my sweet child, so wonderful to see you have arrived home so suddenly early from work...erm yes!" Pinhead grinned cheekily and nervously, the sweats drop from his head normally seen in anime shows quite obvious.

"Pinny-poo...sweetie, yes. How to put this delicately?...I SAID WE WERE INVITING A FEW FRIENDS OVER! ! !" the brunette haired woman groaned, obviously not having meant that Pinhead's entire Gash of Hell running amonk wildly in her own house. The mess afterwards would only be a nightmare, judging from how horny Pistonhead was, wrapping his arms around Dreamer's waist while she (unfortunately) attempted to make snacks...only to cause a nonsense problem in the kitchen..as in she managed to somehow set cereal on fire, make popcorn that had freezer burn on it, uncooked soda, and moldy...napkins? ! Definetely a face-palm worthy sight and something the chefs of Food Network would most certainly frown upon or die of the sight.

Ah but it proceeded to get more interested, seeing as though for an apparent unknown reason, Channard was found in her corner, admiring a photo of a beautiful woman...Pinhead's sister! Oh my! A lovely dark haired, fair skinned woman named Evelyn- and boy was it quite the interesting crush. And you figured it was already strange enough Channard had a rare photo of Pinhead's human form, Captain Elliot Spencer, yet now it turns out the former physchiatrist has an apparent habit of sending the corny roses and box of chocolates to a ninety something year old woman who has three kids, twelve grandchildren, and, yes, twenty great-grandchildren...but hey! According to the Cenobite with an obvious tumor upon his head, as long as the husband was dead (And indeed Evelyn's husband was deceased) that was all that mattered much to disapproval of Pinhead himself. And it wasn't because this was the jackass who unfairy killed him and his Gash all those years ago...it was because Pinhead still believes that Evelyn is 'too young' to date.

So- who did exactly invite Channard anyway?

Didn't matter much for Kirsty, because there were other things to be concerned of; Such as for a matter of fact that Camerahead was the one attempting to set up...well whatever was about to be set up on her television, which was something that made Kirsty worry that this was something she should honestly worry about. Considering how nervous Pinhead had appeared it almost seemed as though they were going to see something she would normally disapprove of behind her back. Then why bother watching it at her house in the first place? Well, the Labyrinth itself lacks technology unless you are lead to believe that Leviathan is able to make some kind of a Wi-Fi connection through all that diamond floatyness.

_SCRRRRRRATCH! ! !_

The sudden loud tearing noise of her curtains made Kirsty jump, startled of course but more or less angry as to who was behind this. Though they she had a typical name in mind, and as soon as she turned around, she was right in what she believed. The Feline Cenobite, formerly a beautiful African American woman, now the young Cenobite woman with cat-like abilties and similar physical looks (specifically the eight to nine inch knives for fingernails to name)...as well as the behavior in which her feisty anger, aquaphobia (though normally reasonable let alone to how mutilated she was), and- well, scratching up curtains.

"Hi Kirsty!" she grinned happily, her whispey voice charming through with the slightest cty accent remaining somewhere through that she had personalized her neck by giving a deep gash and open throat to make as though a 'collar' for herself. Her razor sharp white teeth blarred happily, until she noticed Kirsty "unamused" face. Kirsty arched a brow, as Feline turned around the sight of the scratched and tattered curtains, turned back and grinned widely and nervously.

"Oh...yeah. Uh, nice curtains." was all she said, brushing away her unique red bang- well the one she had dyed as a human, now the only hair remaining on her- though with her partial scalp split open..it kinda included like bloody muscle and skin- from her bright, glowing hazel eye before smiling and running off towards the couch.

The chaos of the current moment could go on: Varying from Barbie putting that whole flame thrower of a mouth to clever use by making personal smores, CD searching through her CD collection, obviously tempted to steal some heavy metal and love songs (for the lovely lady consort-kitty Feline; Ah, you see the two had been lovers engaged before suddenly, and rather forcibly been turned into Cenobites within a year's difference of one another.), Angelique whining about her deserving to be re-promoted as her title throne of Princess, Butterball, Chatterer, and Nikoletta plotting mischieviously their overdue revenge upon Channard, until Chatterer and Nikoletta simply proceeded to make out behind the couch and Butterball left to steal the possible stash of Kirsty's homemade cookies baked the other day, and other imaginable nonsense.

Until FINALLY they all took notice to the angry Kirsty Cotton besides a nervous and stuttering Pinhead, and oblivious but wicked Feline.

"Oh." was the first reply from someone, but no one quite knew. So, with that did an awkward pause set in. Kirsty, semingly calm at first, smiled sweetly.

"Hello all..." she began, while Pinhead gulped. Having known her best, he obviously this was one of those evil 'Its a trap' emotions. Seemingly sweet turned screaming nightmare.

Which was exactly what he predicated. "Wonderful mutilated friends as you may be...WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOING HERE? !" the Cotton woman screeched, obviously about to continue when there came a sudden knocking on the door. Narrowing her brown eyes, obviously still steamed about the situation, Kirsty slowly turned her head to where the door was and shouted: "It's unlocked!"

Slowly opening the door, with Pinhead the first to see who it was, groaned. "Not YOU!" he mumbled loudly, rubbing his forehead somehow without touching the pins on his head.

"Indeed it is, my demon friend." chimed happily the English accented voice of none other than Captain Elliot Spencer. The former human side of Pinhead, grinning happily while Pinhead simply walked towards the nearby wall, about to slam his head against the wall for being unable to (for some weird reason) stand his human side.

But, Kirsty made the kind of typical face of 'Behave-yourself-or-you're-in-big-trouble-mister', so Pinhead had no choice but to back away and hold down his tongue as he returned towards the couch. But not without sulking his shoulders and mumbling about how unfair it was.

Elliot grinned satisfied, leading through his lovely wife, the light brown haired reporter, Joanne 'Joey' Summerskill, and in her arms was their one year old son, Connor Summerskill-Spencer. At first, from the sight of the others, her reaction was mixed. Simply because

"He's getting so big!" Kirsty gushed at the blue wide-eyed baby boy, while Joey happily smiled.

"Augh, I can hardly believe it-"

"BOOOORING! ! ! When's the movie startin' Doc?" Pistonhead obnoxiously piped up, grinning widely while Dreamer frowned and burned him suddenly with her spare cigareete. He yelped, turned to her as she proudly smirked.

In whilst between that, Channard turned his back to face all in the room, quickly hiding away the photo of Pinhead- rather Pinhead _and_ Elliot's sister, Evelyn in an obvious fashion before grinning.

"Erm, yes?" Channard quickly spoke.

"NOT YOU. The _other_ Doc." the former nightclub owner groaned, pointing over towards Camerman who suddenly caused a large electric shock, and sent himself flying back agaimst the wall of Kirsty's living room.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! ! !" he yelped suddenly, half hysterical in a mad fit of laughter, and the other tone for it being otherwise completely painful. He was a bit of a charred mess, his moustace all funny looking from the electric shock as he grinned lopsidedly.

"Great Scott! It works!" he declared with a proud quote from _Back to the Future_. Joey smiled, rather amused as she shook her head, while Kirsty was in concern as to whether or not he was okay. It was bad enough the unexpected guests in her house were mutilated to the impossible point, she didn't need any of them _dying._ Still, she had to admit from her immature view that was rather hilarious. The other Cenobites sure found it hilarious, whether from giggle and grin to hysterical fits.

"Just what did you guys set up anyways?" Kirsty asked softly and curiously, as Pinhead quickly leaped off the couch (surprisingly not having tripped over his cassock) and boldly smiling to his girlfriend.

"Ah Kirsty my sweet, we have pieced together the cubicle technologically advanced object from a foreign country as their infamous exoprt."

Well...there comes the awkward moment when nobody knew what the Hell Pinhead said. And everyone used to think _Elliot_ was the bad one at misleading people with his extended vocabulary, this is a new take right here!

"What?" was all Kirsty could honestly respond, both of her eyebrows raised high.

"I understand Xipe! I understand you completely!" Angelique desperately shrieked giddily, still never willing to quit from the nonsense horny flirting to make Xipe Totec hers. Oh but there are far worse monsters ou there in the flirting world for Xipe, both he, Kirsty, and Angelique were well aware of this considerable 'woman' who we shall soon meet.

"Oh, you set up a Wii?" Joey asked, basically re-translating it for all the others to completely understand. Most exchanged simple glances, as Nikoletta and Chatterer peeked up from behind the couch, both grinning lopsidedly and acting as though nothing had happened for hopefully no one to have noticed.

"Hello Kirsty!" Nikoletta chirped, not hvaing known the others were already past the part of chirpy greetings to Kirsty. Though this time Kirsy waved back and smiled, while all the other Cenobites rushed for the couch. Quite an interesting fight this way; Considering how Pinhead literally made a 'V.I.'P reservation for Kirsty's seat and left with a rose, Feline lashed out her claws and become basically O.C.D to the seat she wanted to claim for her and her consort, Channard wanted to (yes I'm serious) sit next to Pinhead just so he could ask if his sister was interested in seeing anyone, Elliot tried to have Joey and Connor get their own spot somewhere on the couch, and everyone else otherwise errupted in a fight to beat the living crap out of each other. Well except for Joey and Connor ofcourse!

"Ladies? Gentlemen?" Pinhead questioned, the only one not involved in the fight. Unamused by it, he folded his arms, noticing how even his precious Kirsty had accidentally gotten herself entangled in an ugly thrall against Angelique.

For goodness sake it's just a COUCH!

"Kirsty? Gash? Anyone?" he questioned, his voice piping higher and higher, obviously on the verge of a bellowing.

"ENOUGH! ! !" he shouted, loud enough to shatter Kirsty's windows. All the other Cenobites, who had each other's necks in one another's handsand ready to go in for a kill, froze.

"Can we not be settle for once?" Pinhead questioned.

"I agree!" Elliot piped up, nodding at his demon side.

"I want a couch seat." Dreamer muttered, pouting her lip and folding her arms.

"Well...there must be some sort of way to work this out.." Kirsty suggested.

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><p><em><span>THEORY #1<span>_

Well, I'll be basic in this one. Anyone who had a girlfriend, the girlfriend to sit on the lap of the boyfriend.

It seemed to work at first for most...though those who were single Cenobites were rather discouraged.

That- and all it took was one certain couple (horny, dysfunctional, involves pistons and dreams) couldn't keep their hands. Therefore, all followed through, unable to resist having a little fun- and pretty soon it got pretty awkward to find all the couples managing to make out on the couch.

That, and about 10% of Connor's innocence must've been shed that day at the meer sights.

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><p><em><span>THEORY #2<span>_

Flipping a coin, playing 'Rock Paper Scissors', and 'Eenie Meenie Mo' was nearly impossible.

"Rock..Paper..Scissorts..Say.. Shoot!" Pistonhead went against Barbie, which Barbie had won.

"You cheated! You OBVIOUSLY waited one second before me dammit! Rematch!" Pistonhead whined.

Therefore resulting in him receiving a nasty burn to the booty.

"Call it." Kirsty simply said as she tossed a coin in the air.

"Heads!" Nikoletta shouted.

"Tails!" Joey declared.

"SIDEWAYS!" Butterball interjected, in which somehow, in the most impossible way, the coin was frozen on remaining to it's side. All three women gawked simply before saying at the same time;

"How? !"

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><p>"My Mother said to pick the very best one and you are chosen!" Pinhead sang, and though may sound a bit off, trust me, the beginning of the song was WAY altered for that matter.<p>

And much to the annoyance of the others, once again he was pointing at Kirsty!

"YOU ARE FREAKIN' CHEATING! ! !" Pistonhead still kept accusing.

"Just cos she's your girlfriend doesn't mean you can always let her win!" Dreamer complained as well.

"Oh...you mean you cannot personally choose who you wish?" Pinhead asked surprised, making the others groan.

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><p><em><span>THEORY #3<span>_

"Oh come on people! Can't there be a little senseless voice of reason around here? ! It's just a bunch of seats we're going into War with! Really? !" Nikoletta groaned, officially the first one to snap annoyed by everyone's suggestions.

"But..." Pinhead peeped softly.

The open throated Cenobite, who seemed to be possibly at her special week, gave one helluva nasty death glare at the pin headed Cenobite.

"WHAT? ! WHAT IS IT NOW? !" she shrieked, after being the supposed 'voice of reason' just a minute before.

"...Nevermind." Pinhead squeaked.

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><p>And at that moment, it all became rather tense, and everyone eyed one another. Almost as though mouthing silently the numbers on cue (and meanwhile Connor had fallen asleep, bored by his parents and aunts and uncles senselssly stupid ways) by three, someone screamed "GO!" and all had desperately ran over.<p>

Well...you might not wanna know how ugly that ended, with everyone smashing and tackling each other. But it ended with Kirsty getting her rightful V.I.P spot Pinhead had made in the first place cos...hey! It is HER house! Joey, with a starting to wake up Connor on her lap, got lucky as well, Feline purred and snagged for the right arm of the couch and somehow was able to be perfectly comfortably with her consort CD as well...(in which if anyone objected so would receive a nasty lash), while Nikoletta and Chatterer get the left side. Actually, come to think of it as we count- everyone got a spot...

...except for Pinhead!

"I don't believe this! ! !" he gasped, offended.

"It is just a couch though, isn't it?" Pistonhead grinned wickedly, while Pinhead gave a glare of 'when-I-retake-over-the-world-you-are-SO-gonna-die-first' face.

"Okay, so let's check on Netflix." Kirsty managed to guide through with the remote, in which while all the others (except Joey, Dreamer, Feline, CD, Barbie, Pistonhead, Camerahead, and Kirsty herself ofcourse) gawked in mystifed wide-eyed gazes of technology.

"It's so amazing!" Nikoletta gasped giddily.

"Just to think Kirsty; One day they shall invent small rectangular, flat shaped objects that are able to record playbacks of favored purchased music with this 'wi-fi' access and oh so much more wonderful use!" Pinhead dreamt happily.

"..You mean the iPod?" Joey arched a brow.

"Hey...Pinny-Poo, since when did you star in a movie?" Kirsty said suddenly, drawing everyone's attention.

"Whatever do you mean child?" the pin headed Cenobite turned to his girlfriend's side, and then gasped at the sight of what was now marked for the 'Recently Available' suggestions.

This mysterious movie marked as _Hellraiser_, with a pissed off looking Pinny holding the Box for the cover!

"Well I..I mean I don't...well certainly there...there...THERE MUST BE SOME LOGICAL EXPLANATION! ! !" Pinhead stuttered.

"I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND! ! !" Feline and Channard screeched at the same time. Ah yes, our Channard friend chose strangely a back seat just so he could continue to admire the photo of Evelyn Spencer, Elliot and Pinhead's sister, in private.

"Illuminati!" Butterball said wide eyed and panicked, making everyone silent throughout the room with the conspiracy theory in which everyone started to believe him.

"Oh Leviathan! I bet they allied with extraterristreals!" Elliot gasped, mortified. His loud raised voice that had turned suddenly managed to awaken poor Connor, as Joey gently shushed him and shook her head.

"Oh great! Elly, not you too!" she moaned.

"Elly?" Pistonhead eagerly repeated, with obvious intentions to use that nickname against Elliot, until Dreamer stopped him with her own secret nickname.

"Pisty, shut up right now." Dreamer simply said, and grinned at the quick results in reaction from the others. Feline, in which case nearly fell off the couch unable to breath from hissing laughter, whilst Pinhead knew he certainly he some interesting but pointless news to tell Leviathan later on...

"Wait! There's more!" Kirsty gasped, looking to this _Hellbound: Hellraiser 2_ that featured once again, a cover to Pinhead but with Nikoletta and Chatterer included!

"Argh! Whoever these foolish human producers are- they got my bad angle!" the Female Cenobite growled. Chatterer chatted and groaned something about you could barely see him anywhoo.

"At least you guys are IN the freakin' poster!" Butterball snapped back. In which sadly true for our obese friend, who was nowhere to be found on it.

For the rest of these currently available 'Hellraiser' movies, Pinhead kept reappearing, wth funnier looking angry faces that only made the others laugh, Pinhead more nervous, Butterball and Elliot completely convinced the Illuminati and aliens were behind this, and overall Kirsty completely suspicious.

"Well there's only one way to find out.." Kirsty said, raising the remote high while the others gasp.

"You're not serious!" Camerahead accused.

"You can't be!" Nikoletta gasped.

"Oh no!" Dreamer yelled.

"Oh no!" Joey shrieked.

"Oh no!" Elliot cried.

"Fuck yea!" Pistonhead was the only one to encourage somewhat.

"The illuminati will destroy us all! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!" Butterball repeatedly screeched in horror.

"Kirsty don't! Who knows what awful sights lay there behind that may not be for your eyes!" Pinhead warned, obviously protective over the sake of his girlfriend.

But it was too late, within a sound of a 'click' the movie loaded, and we were now locked and loaded- ready for this movie.

The magnificent music compliment the title screen that soon appeared:

HELLRAISER

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING! ! !" Pistonhead obnoxiously declared.

"IT DIDN'T EVEN START YET YOU MORON!" Dreamer growled.

"Shut up!" someone said.

"What don't you? !" Pistonhead replied back.

"WHAT WAS THAT? !" that 'someone' revealed to be Feline, who lashed her claws out threateningly while CD restrained his well...pshycopathic kitty demon girlfriend.

"I'll be quiet!" Pistonhead squeaked.

"SILENCE!" Pinhead hissed.

And soon it all began...

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><p><strong>Hee hee, the Cenobites are SO much fun to write. Oh boy, if they're this crazy now just IMAGINE what more chaos, OCs, and reactions are to come. <strong>


	2. Watching Hellraiser 1

_**Authors Note: **__Reaction time to the film! XD That's all I can honestly say._

WATCHING HELLRAISER 1

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><p><em><span>UPON THE BEGINNING OF 'HELLRAISER'<span>_

As soon as the very exact milisecond, that's right, even before Frank Cotton had any speaking lines or any sort of visuals, the fantastic four Cenobites Pinhead, Nikoletta, Chatterer, and Butterball all immediately had their faces darken immensely and growl. Goodness did they despise the guy who basically ruined their reputation with the whole once alll scary and showy 'Nobody escapes us! ! !' idea.

Then again, so did Kirsty. Twice. But then again, it seemed all fine and dandy for them due to the whole current strong going concept of Pinhead/Kirsty- so if anyone attempted to question about that then Pinhead would probably kill them.

_"What's your pleasure sir?" _the old man croaked.

"NOTHING!" everyone, and yes I'm serious, I mean everyone in the room reacted with screaming that as loudly as enough as to awaken the nearby neighbors Kirsty had and some barks and yelps of the neighborhood dogs.

Obviously, that pick up line had been used on almost al of them, ten times than Pistonhead's line of 'If you've got talent or yada yada yada show it off, let it grow" something I bet nobody really cared that was no different than saying "I'm a hot, rich guy who's bored. Wanna fuck?"

You know there always seems to be many types of awkward moments as when everyone had said the same thing and exchanged a glance to one another, before clearing their throats and attempting to carry on with this film.

_FRANK OPENING THE BOX_

"HA! What a moron! I feel sorry for any of the other dumbasses out there that opened that Box as well!" Butterball mocked, giggling giddily. Admittedly, Kirsty could agree to that for a joke and laugh, but the others face palmed themselves.

"Butterball.." Nikoletta began seemingly sweetly, and the obese Cenobite turned his attention to her as she then yelled in a demonically angry-frustrated tone; "WE WERE THOSE DUMBASSES! ! !"

"I thought we were wise." Pinhead pouted his lip, offended.

"I mean we were the dumbasses who opened the box-" Nikoletta attempted to say.

"I WENT TO COLLEGE! WHAT DID YOU DO NUN GIRL? !" Pinhead sudenly, said getting out of his seat and obviously tempted for a fight. For most of the Cenobites, they all turned their attention to this even if they knew for a fact it wouldn't go down well and end possibly, and most likely, stupidly.

Hey it was better than wasting five to ten minutes of your life watching Frank's dirty, sweaty hands fool around with the puzzle box in the movie, in which some of the girl started to feel queast admittedly.

Channard, from his nearby personal corner, could be heard mumbling in skeptical disbelief that "_THIS was the guy Julia had ths hots for? !" _

Nikoletta arched a brow, while her boyfriend nearby chattered something in offer to flip Pinhead over, but she gestured a signal not to.

"Bring it." she simply grinned as Pinhead, who had recently learned that it's not always best to use chains to fight someone (naming in example to Channard and the two and a half minute fight with them all those years ago) as he attempted to make just the slightest move as Nikoletta simply stepped out of his charging side, grabbed his hands, and flipped him easily over onto his back before finsihing it with a nice kick similar to the one from _The Karate Kid._

"Give up?" the open throated Cenobite girl grinned eagerly, as Pinhead nervously was marvelled by her immense strength- obviously taking lessons from Chatterer- as he nodded. Kirsty shook her head, raising both eyebrows high as she sighed, but then grinned aat the sight of the chains coming out of the Box in scene to tear out Frank's flesh.

The reaction was mixed at the mutilated sight. Joey gasped, covering baby Connor's eyes. Elliot was hanging his head down low in shame about his past actions, Channard was giddily dancing about that how Julia's 'competition' was eliminated (Hey he still had some hots for Julia too ya know!), Kirsty was absolutely, without a doubt the happiest girl in the world- and the Cenobites seemed...well..._turned on._

Hey it's a habit with all the flesh involved with all the pain and pleasure, but I mean , right now we're talking senseless horny crap right now that really is askng me to change this into a resitrcted M fic, but it got pretty bad.

Seriously, the movie was honestly paused for a good ten to twenty minutes or so as all the couples had to excuse themselves for a few moments. For those who hadn't left, including Joey and Elliot, could hear sudden banging and booming, groans and moans, squeals and such nonsense.

Ugh, it was pretty obvious what happened, though I won't say. Just put it as though Kirsty had some pins stuck in her hair and clothes, Pinhead couldn't see straight and had a frozen grin of satisfactory while being guided by Kirsty, Chatterer was doing something of a smile as he and Nikoletta held hands with some of their clothes tattered a bit, Pistonhead had lipstick stains ALL over his face, Dreamer's lipstick from her lips was faded and her lips swollen, CD had scratch marks as if the work of a cat (no derh), Feline's eyes were glowing so brightly- and that was the most appropriate thing I could write down about the demon kitty here.

It was just overall, the riduclous, inexcussable crap thrown in for some kind of sick and twisted humor. Then again, hard to resist with their considerable kinky thoughts of all part of the insurance plan from Leviathan Copration- chains, love, and blood.

Basically, they were all at least satisfied- which was all that matters, right?

"You guys are so gonna all end up pregnant one day, ya know that?" Joey shook her head in disbelief.

"But Joey...some of them are guys." Butterball whispered nervously.

"I don't mean it- nevermind." the light brown haired reporter shook her head.

"Tell me you all at least had yourselves with the slightest concern to use some form of protection whilst you were yowling and screaming and banging the headboard against the wall like that, scaring my innocent little son?" Elliot inquired to his demon side.

Connor seemed to turn his attention to his father quietly, looking up wide eyed with his beautiful blue eyes as Joey smiled and shushed him.

"It's ok baby. Mommy's here. And Daddy's having words with Uncle Pinhead." Joey soothed and cooed happily to her son, who smiled brightly.

"Uh...I...um...um.." Pinhead seemed to stutter suddenly, and turned over towards Kirsty. "Kirsty, you're on birth control, correct? Right? Right? ! At least well...or at least you wore a diapram, RIGHT? !" our pin headed Cenobite started to panic.

But the brunette human hadn't made such an audible response as she hung her head low, shuffling her feet awkwardly while whistling a tune.

Elliot sighed, shaking his head. "I do'nt talk no for an answer Kirsty. Are you two safe or not?" he questioned.

"Um...well...sorta- maybe- perhaps- most likely-...no." she squeaked her answer, while Elliot and Joey facepalmed themselves at what was nearly the same time. Actually, that often happened to the two. Consdering the moronic nit wits that they're stuck with for life, and it only proves they were meant to be together since they were the only people in existence here with a knowledge of somewhat common sense. As for the others, which was made up of basically Cenobites and Kirsty, well...

"Relax Kirsty! Everyone KNOWS Cenobite and Cenobite-Human offsprings come from the Ceno-Stork!" Pinhead rolled his eyes.

Kirsty furrowed her eyebrows, completely confused.

"What?" was her dull toned, simple response.

Oh the irony Elliot couldn't resist, as he eagerly jumped about and grinned victorious, dancing around like a moron.

"As the humans of this century nowadays say; HA! Upon your face demon! And you accused me of being the low witted side of the both of us! I WENT TO COLLEGE! And I have wisdom- as well as personal experience- as to where babies come from. And I shall have you informed my friend, that they do not come from Ceno-Storks." he cheered, gloating on in this sweet victory as finally being proven to being smarter than Pinhead. Not that he wasn't, just Pinhead believed he was the smarter (and for his cocky side believed a swell as handsome, stronger, and more 'awesomer').

Kirsty widened her eyes, and boy oh boy were they looking at Pinhead with the mix of concern, surprise of his stupidity, ready to kill, somewhat eager about the possibility of children, and otherwise- just basically still wowed on the part of the stupidity. Plus, she herself had been to the Labyrinth a couple of times. Since when were there any 'Ceno-Storks' running around? Better yet, how would even open the freakin' box?

Well, overall this was enough to make Connor giggle even if he didn't know what the hell was even going on. The other Cenobittic couples seemed to worry, while Dreamer seemed not worried at all as she wiped her sweaty forehead in relief.

"Phew! Thank Leviathan! At least we're not that dumb- right sweetheart?" the dreaming Cenobite with the portruding cigarette from her throat questioned happily to her 'sweetheart', Pistonhead, who suddenly seemed quite the worried wreck as well as he chuckled nervously.

"Uh...babe? I was kinda with the boss on his theory about..." he paused, unsure as Dreamer arched a brow- suspicious and curious.

"...the Ceno-Storks?" he squeaked.

"UGH! ! ! YOU MORON! ! !" she shrieked.

"WELL IT SOUNDED LIKE A REASONABLE THEORY!" the piston Cenobite defended, crossing his arms amd outing his lips.

So basically all the women snapped, upon realizing that all the male Cenobites seemed to actualy follow in belief to this 'Ceno-Stork' theory.

"Just what in the name of Leviathan IS a Ceno-Stork? !" Nikoletta groaned, shaking her head.

"A mutilated bird-like Cenobite formerly a stork." Pinhead replied somewhat casually, though was still receiving the 'nasty glare' from Kirsty.

"Warning; Doesn't exist." Elliot added with a happy grin, chuckling about until Joey lectured him to stop.

Boy did one huge awkward moment set in after this. No one could say a word- until leave it to Channard to break the ice.

"Hey look! It's Julia!" Channard pointed happily to the sight of Larry Cotton and Julia Cotton moving into the house, Julia's flashbacks and all whacky thoughts.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRR!" was the followed up response from our original four Cenobites and Kirsty. Channard's smile fell and put his finger down upon realizing this.

"Oh...I forgot. You're not friends with her either." he muttered.

So here we are, enduring sex scene flashbacks our Cenobites getting turned on again, horny nonsense that follows, and roughly about 10% of Connor Summerskill-Spencer's innocence is basically being destroyed, no, slaughtered for that matter as he kept accidnetally looking.

"Joey this is a rated R movie." Kirsty stated to Joey.

"I didn't know it was THAT bad." she defended.

"My stepmother and uncle are two dim witted, kinky physcopaths. What did you EXPECT? !" Kirsty demanded skeptically. Joey seemed ready to answer with someone, but she did not go fort and kept her mouth shut.

Upon the scees of Larry Cotton, it went into a mess.

"Daddy!" Kirsty at first happily said, while the original four Cenobites exchanged a glance of worry. Strangely enough, Kirsty seemed all full of smiles until Larry cut his hand.

And then she became a sobbing mess ten times worse than any die hard Jack fan-girl who cried themselves to death after watching him die in _Titanic._

"WWWAAAAAHHH! ! ! DADDY! ! ! YOU GOT A BOOBOO! ! ! AND YOU'RE IN YOUR OWN HELL WITH LOTS OF EM WHEN I CAN'T EVER SEE YOU AGAIN! ! ! ! WHY? ! ? WHY? ! !" was only a part of the _audible_ sobbing speech.

Eventually, our four Cenobites snapped from all the guilt to their guilt and cried.

"WAAAAAHHH! ! ! OH KIRSTY! ! ! WE'RE SO SORRY! ! !" Nikoletta cried, tears streaming down her cheeks as Chatterer held her, him sniffling as well and having stopped chattering.

Butterball was too busy crying to even say anything.

"MY SWEET CHILD! ! ! I NEVER MEANT TO HARM YOU LIKE THAT BY NEVER BOTHERING TO ACTUALLY LOOK FOR YOUR FATHER! ! !" Pinhead sobbed a freakin' river. His demon strength had pulled Kirsty into a sudden forced apology hug, in which was not the most comfortable feeling as Pinhead seemed to continue go on with all his past mistakes all at one time while the movie had started off all happily with the family.

"Your family had been happily together at such a young age only to be tainted and then officially destroyed by your awfully sinned uncle and stepmother! ! ! And all we did was make things ten times worse by taking your poor father down to his own personal Hell and never once getting off our asses to actually LOOK for him during our own personal free time while having it spent in slacking off and acting like immature, moronic fools! FORGIVE ME MY SWEET CHILD! ! !" as unfortunately for Kirsty, Pinhead squeezed her harder into the hug, the eerie sound of her ribs cracking slightly as her face winced in pain.

"Erm...Pinhead?...Xipe?...Pinny-Poo...you're. You. Are. Crushing. ME!" she gasped, eyes widened and barely breathing as he then released her, with them all smiles. Seemingly, the moment between all now was currently fluffy and adorable until-

_SCENE WITH KIRSTY AND STEVE MAKING OUT_

"When did I appear in this film? !" Kirsty gasped, surprised at the nearly one hundred percent perfect portrayal as her hen sixteen year old self.

Dreamer rolled her eyes. "You've BEEN in the film this entire time while Pinhead pulled a Scarlett O'Hara on you and sobbed so loudly-"

"While PinBoy here didn't shut the fuck up we could barely hear the whole scene! Hey Kirsty, your family is a little crazy." Pistonhead interjected while the others nearby all admittedly nodded their heads in agreement.

The Cotton woman narrowed her eyes, unamused by the comment and pursed her lips.

"No shit sherlock." was her simple response in simple summarize to her physcopathic Frank and Julia.

"Wait- you're still on this Kirsty? ! Please, enlighten me! No- better yet, care to inform me as to WHO this punk is? !" Pinhead frowned, his face a steaming mad and obviouly completely jealous.

Before Kirsty could open her mouth to say anything, Pinhead continued.

"How long has this been? ! I'm hurt, truly! Did I fail to satisfy you? ! ...Am I ugly?" he sobbed- yes, sobbed.

Some had tuned into this argument between the two, or somewhat argument really just Pinhead breaking down, while the others had actually kept their eyes focused to the screen of the continuing film. Butterball's illimunati theory really did seem to fit in, considering how amazingly detailed this film was as to recalling pretty much most of the entire past even themselves.

The film had them all gripped on the dark intensiyty of lustful passion and such an immensely horrifying tale of-

"When the hell do we get our screen time? !" Nikoletta grumbled, folding her arms.

"I think that was you guys in the beginning though.." Feline commented in a whispery hiss, though could only guess.

"You mean those creepy looking leather clad creepers?" Butterball questioned.

"Wait a sec! That's an inaccurate detail! That couldn't have been us!" Nikoletta said suddenly.

"AND THAT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN KIRSTY MAKING OUT WITH THAT DAMN BOY BUT IT WAS! ! !" Pinhead sobbed, folding his arms and turning his back angrily from Kirsty, who still kept trying to explain as to that scene.

"Pinhead- weren't we drunk when Frank summoned us all?" Nikoletta questioned, as they all looked to one another, remembering the apparent REAL memory...

_FLASHBACK_

_Upon which Frank had open the Box, all the scary pain chains were unleashed like the teaser to the unshown scene- supposed to leave those wondering. _

_Well no wonder why it wasn't shown! The supposed fearsome and terrifying Cenobites were drunk messes!_

_Slurpy grins and barely able to stand as they leaned against one another, as Pinhead- whom had a pink, lopsided lamp over his head (obvious to tell with the pins poking through free from it that it was him), snorted in obnoxious laughter._

_"Heeeeeeeeeey! We...we..we was gonna cha cha! How...how DARE you interrupt US!" he pointed a finger at Frank- rather wrongly towards the wall- and with the wrong finger! Oh my! Let's just say it wasn't the thumb, pinkie, pointer, or ring finger..._

_"Hey boss! I dun...dunno if we..we..we're even at the demon dance club any...anymore." Butterball informed suddenly, just about realizing that. Like literally right now as if not noticing the whole suddenly being transported in a blur, the sudden quietness from the music, and the missing bar and dancers._

_Pinhead merely glanced, stubmling over to the nearby, convinently placed drawer- with a frame picture of a recently pictured family of three. A wedding in fact of two people, which Pinhead didn't give a crap. But boy oh boy was that one smoking hot bridesmaid!_

_"She...she cute. H- hey! Human! She...she single?" he turned over to Frank, who coudn't answer as the chains were stretching his mouth about, impossible to talk._

_"HA! I bet he's a scaredy cat!" Nikoletta snorted, laughing in mock as she then smiled- seemingly able ot stand on her own when suddenly she collapsed right backwards, caught by Chatterer- who grumbled something in chats about being interrupted to what strip tease he was apparently about to do at the club, noticing the unfinished tatoo on Nikoletta's shoulder of a half designed heart but finished inside of the (heart?) that said N+C. Ouch! Half finished tatoo? That oughtta hurt her in the morning..._

_Frank must've figured that was an answer. and nodded in shivering fear. Psh- like any of the Cenobites cared about this jerk. As a matter of fact, Pinhead (with the lamp still on his head) stuttered to Frank- well after four failed attempts that each ended with smashing straight into the wall, began to- sing? !_

_**Pinhead**_

_Don't you disrespect me little man!  
>Don't you derogate or deride!<br>You're in my world now!  
>Not your world!<br>And I got friends on the other side..._

_**Butterball, Chatterer, and a semi-conscious Nikoletta**_

_He's got friends on the other side (*drunk giggles*)_

_**Pinhead**_

_That's an echo gentleman. Just a little something we have here in the Labyrinth, a little fun trick. Don't worry..._

_Sit down at my table  
>Put your minds at ease<br>If you relax it will enable me to do anything I please  
>I can read your future<br>I can change it 'round some, too  
>I'll look deep into your heart and soul<br>(you do have a soul, don't you, Frank?)  
>Make your wildest dreams come true!<em>

_I got pain!  
>I got chains!<br>I got things I ain't even tried!  
>And I got friends on the other side...<em>

_**Butterball, Chatterer, and- wait. Nope. Nikoletta passed out in Chatterer's arms. **_

_He's got friends on the other side..._

_**Pinhead**_

_The cards, the cards, the cards will tell  
>The past, the present, and the future as well<br>The cards, the cards, just take three  
>Take a little trip into your future with me!<em>

_Now you, young man, are ungrateful to all  
>Never satisifed with anything, no<br>(And yet your stepbrother is so kind and nice)  
>Your lifestyle's high<br>But your funds are low  
>So here you are now having bought yourself a lil Box<em>

_Hm...  
>Shake my hand<br>Come on sir.  
>Won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?<em>

_Yes...  
>Are you ready?<em>

_**Butterball and Chatterer**_

_Are you ready?_

_**Pinhead**_

_Are you ready?  
>Transformation central!<em>

_**Butterball and Chatterer**_

_Transformation central!_

_**Pinhead**_

_Reformation central!_

_**Butterball and Chatterer**_

_Reformation central!_

_**Pinhead**_

_Transmogrification central!  
>Can you feel it?<br>You're changin'  
>You're changin'<br>You're changin', all right!  
>I hope you're satisfied<br>But if you ain't  
>Don't blame me<br>You can blame my friends on the other side!_

_**Butterball and Chatterer**_

_You got what you wanted!  
>But lost what you had now!<em>

_**Pinhead**_

_Hush..._

_Now due to the rating here, I was forbidden by law literally or threatened with possible lawsuits to NOT write down the kinky torture crap our unfortunate Cotton jerk here was faced. Eh, he deserved it pretty much. So- why feel sympathy or even care for for that matter?_

_Our drunk Cenobite trio here seemed to be able to aim their chains accurately to tear apart Frank's soul and all that, though making one heck of a mes that would put Mr. Clean to shame._

_Just about to leave, you know while Pinhead decided giggling to make a puzzle together of Frank's 'funny face'._

_In whilst Nikoletta bolted uprgith excitedly, giving herself hiccups as well and thinking they were still in song._

_**Nikoletta**_

_Cause I might be bad  
>But I'm perfectly good at it<br>Sex in the air  
>I don't care I love the smell of it<br>Sticks and stones may break my bones  
>But chains and whips excite me!<em>

_Na na na na  
>Come on, come on, come on-<em>

_Our Female Cenobite here seemed to stop upon noticing no one else was singing along for that matter, Frank was already somewhat dead, and the other three were simply gawking at her while she crossed her arms and glared in defense of herself. Oh the nonsense these four endure._

_So yes, with the wave of a magical wand (rather an unknown stick found at the dance club) Pinhead had uttered these exact words "EXPECTO- POTRONUM!'_

_And nothing happened._

_"Oh...wait." he mumbled loudly to himself, resolving the puzzle box and THEN finally disappearing, along with all the bloody remains and such._

_However, the pink lamp that had remained on his head did indeed remain, and was somehow never noticed at all._

_FLASHBACK OVER (WELL DUH!)_

"Ooooh. So _that's _what happened." Kirsty nodded, but that was as all that was said at the scenes in which while Frank came back from the dead (in which Joey had to leave the room with Connor), Frank scared and seduced Julia (in which Joey had to leave the room and take Connor out), Julia killed a couple of guys (Joey had to take Connor out of the room).

"Wow! This movie and the accuracy to it makes me want to despise my uncle and stepmother more and more." Kirsty commented.

"You realize they're all currently torturing in the Labyrinth, right?" Pinhead reminded, in which made Channard bawl a bit at the mentioning thought of Julia suffering.

"What a cry baby..." someone muttered loudly in comment about Channard.

Kirsty seemed to grin wickedly in the meanwhile at the thoughts of all the suffering and torturing and even sniggered a bit.

"Tell them I send them my love if you know what I mean, Pinny-Poo." the Cotton woman winked, whilst the others were quite startled.

"And she insists not to be a Cenobite?" Nikoletta questioned.

"She's just as bad as us!" Butterball accused.

"Erm...of course not!" Kirsty drawed suddenly, as by special effects did a halo come upon her head, and a little glowing light of Heaven shimmered on her.

The light suddenly made all the Cenobites hiss and jump as far away from her towards the darker corner, shoving Channard out of his personal corner to keep away from their Heaven foe.

"Awkward.." Kirsty said, as Joey peeked her head through with an asleep Connor in her arms.

"This is getting riduclous. Do we really have to watch this ifall I'm going to end up doing is leaving the room for Connor's sake?" the reporter questioned, also panting with thirst.

"Oh! I'll go get you a glass of water!" Dreamer said happily, leaving her boyfriend's arms and skipping about to the kitchen. No one had seemed to notice what she was doing- until it suddenly officially hit their minds in reminder.

"TERRI- NO! ! !" Joey, Kirsty, Pistonhead, Pinhead and basically all the others roared at the same time to object. But it was too late, she was already in the midst of making something when suddenly-

**BOOM!**

"...My kitchen!" Kirsty shrieked, not even paying attention to the scene of herself escaping from the wrath of Uncle Frank.

"HOW did this ugly fuck get all the women in his day? ! And Julia? !" Channard screamed, jumping up and down and not even paying attention to the kitchen situation.

Dreamer stumbled out of the kitchen, a pitcher of water in one hand, and her face charred with ash as it looked as though she herself had been in the middle of an explosion. Her eye were widened as she stumbled, woozy looking as she made somewhat of a smile and concerned frown.

"Uh...Kirsty..I think I mightta...kinda...blew up your kitchen." she softly said, dropping the pitcher- and instead of shattering glass and spilling water all over the carpet- it started a mini fire which quickly Pistonhead rushed to put out as he, in concerned, held her.

"Babe...you're a natural disaster when it comes to kitchen stuff- but a glass of water that becomes an explosion? Really?" he questoned in disbelief, as she looked up and smiled, winking and murmuring something to him of _'I'm still a virgin to some things darling.'_ as he chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"EW! ! ! Please at least TRY to keep it rated PG around here unlike this movie!" Joey groaned. In the meanwhile, everyone else had been wating as Frank emerged, now skinless, and faced off against Kirsty. And Kirsty's fight wasn't typically something of any styled badass Anakin vs. Obi-Wan on Mustafar from _Revenge of the Sith._

"Wow...Kirsty...you're weak." Angelique commented, and it wasn't just meant as a let alone comment.

No literally, this Kirsty here ddn't put up much of a badass fight.

"Well it wasn't like I'm some kind of Karate Girl ya know!" Kirsty frantically snapped.

"Yeah but...you really don't make it up there with Nancy Thompson or Laurie Myers." Feline commented with a hiss.

"Who the fuck is Nancy Thompson and Laurie Myers? !" Kirsty retorted.

"Baby, you can't even a throw punch good enough." Pistonhead added.

"You don't have to be some _Kill Bill _fighter but...c'mon Kirsty." Joey slowly remarked, rather regretfully unlike the others as Kirsty in this film screamed and shrieked, grabbing the Box and running away.

"Your distress and running is so mighty attractive Kirsty..." Pinhead purred, being basically the only one to compliment.

"Thanks...I suppose." Kirsty said hanging her head down low.

"Is nobody even concerned about how much their basically 90% right on all that happened to us? !" Butterball cried out in disbelief.

"Maybe we were being spied on!" Nikoletta gasped fearfully.

"Damn that James Bond character and his annoysome ways of wooing such attractive women..." Pinhead mumbled, narrowing his eyes as Kirsty cleared her throat loudy.

"...Erm at least he never go this hands on you!" he added quickly to save himself.

"Ah Bondsy...my idol to being a womanizer." Pistonhead grinned at the childhood memories.

_KIRSTY'S HOSPITAL SCENE_

"Ugh! Man my hair is all frizzy!" Kirsty groaned at her film's site of her curly, untammable hair.

"Was that really on your mind while you solved the puzzle box? Ya know, the one that was a portal to a horrifying Hell and the sights of mutilated people- and you were concerned about your HAIR in which Leviathan would've never even allowed you to even keep? !" Nikoletta questioned skeptically almost angered while irsty stuttered for an answer, until the open throated Cenobite smiled sweetly.

"Eh, used to think my straight brown hair could never go one day without a knot." she giggled.

"My goodness the quality and hospitality of these doctors is horrible.." Channard murmured loudly.

All eyes fell on our former physchiatrist, all narrowed in a 'Really?' face.

"Coming from you?" Kirsty questioned, folding her arms.

"Hey! At least I said good morning to my patients!" Channard defended, and was about to say more when the roaring music and the appearance of the Engineer came and chased after Kirsty, a rather crying Kirsty for that matter.

"Ugh, I did NOT cry over every single thing ya know!" Kirsty complained.

"Oh my! I was never informed the Engineer chased after you! Bad Enginner! Bad! Bad! Bad Engineer!" Pinhead lectured, as if expecting it to 'heel boy' or stop in place.

And then the Cenobites themselves appeared...

_'WHAT THE FUCK? ! I LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' PERV GRABBING ON TO KIRSTY! ! ! ALL I SAID WAS 'HI' TO HER MENTALLY! ! !' _Chatterer growled telepathically, finally choosing the time to roar and lash out mentally to the others who could all hear him, even Kirsty, Joey, and Elliot.

"Don't worry.." Nikoletta tenderly placed a hand on his shoulder, both of the flushing as she remained in a positive smile.

"It couldn't be that ba-" Nikoletta stopped, narrowing her eyes at the continuing scene.

Butterball gasped, heavily offended as his jaw dropped at the mere sight of his appearance.

"Hey I wasn't that fat! I've trimmed down!" he defended, folding his arms.

"My godness, Kirsty my love, were we really portrayed in your eyes as this violent?" Pinhead inquired, curious and hurt.

"No! Not at all! Did I honestly CRY that often? No! I thought it was totally awesome when I met you guys!" the human woman defended, though a little touchy and on edge of anger.

"I don't even look like that anymore! I totally got a makeover and- wait. Why did I just moan? While Pinhead was talking? Oh dear Leviathan PLEASE don't tell me this is implied as something sexual!" Nikoletta growled angrily.

"WE WERE ONLY FRIENDS...with benefits." Pinhead guitily mumbled that last part.

"Excuse me? !" Kirsty gasped.

"It was only temporary." Nikoletta simply added, as if she and Pinhead were cool about their apparent former relationship.

_No! I don't recall ebing informed about this easy darling! ! !' _Chatterer added in, offended as well.

"Yeah! Chatterer looks like he's trying to rape me in the movie, but we're just FRIENDS in real life. Right? !" Kirsty added, as Chatterer nodded.

"SHUT UP! I WANNA HEAR THE MOVIE!" Feline yelled, taking her anger out on the unfortunate couch as she dragged her claws along and deeply, ruining the cushion of the arm to the couch.

_'We'll tear your soul apart!' _came the dark, rich voice of this Pinhead on screen and his violent threat.

"Geez louise. Wouda been no different PinBoy if ya just said 'Bitch get back in the kitchen'." Pistonhead muttered, rolling his eyes.

"All i said in an inappropriate meaning was how I lusted to tear her shirt apart! Would you all like to see the TRUE flashback as to what hap-"

"NO!" came the immediate reply from all the others who hadn't seen the actual events at the hospital, obviously not interested in a steamy Pinsty lemon goodness...dammit.

Suumarizing it up, Kirsty was then easily fooled by Frank in her father's skin and Juia.

"What a dumbass..." Angelique commented.

Kirsty had to be held back by Pinhead, Joey, Elliot, Dreamer, Pistonhead, Chatterer, Nikoletta, CD, Feline, Channard, and Butterball for nearly ten minutes straight.

And then the Cenobites arrived.

"YEAH! COS THAT'S HOW WE ROLL!" Nikoletta grinned happily, clapping her hands together and wickedly sniggering at Frank to get his ass kicked soon.

"But it looks like Daddy is getting hurt!" Kirsty blubberd into tears suddenly.

"And you complained your charatcer was too sensitive.." Angelique muttered.

Unfortunately, the Cenobites were too late to restrain Kirsty as she lunged at the princess, the violence so horrid...it was like _Mean Girls _10x.

"HA! GO ME! GO ME! GO ME! I'm SO totally the most, as humans say, badass!" Pinhead grinned, victory dancing about at Frank's demise in chains.

Long story short, in beteen the ideas of Joey and Elliot taking turns in leaving with little Connor, who surprisingly rather wanted to seemingly see the movie- Steve arrived, and Kirsty was solving the Box at the near corpse sight of Julia.

"Oh so here comes STEVE! I bet he's not as badass as I was, yet you were apparently interested in him!" Pinhead grumbled.

"Yet when you and Nikoletta were only FRIENDS." Kirsty hissed in retort, as Pinhead mumbled something of 'point taken' and said no more- just mentally screamed and cussed like a whiney, jealous five year old.

_'We have such sights to show you.' the movie Pinhead said._

"Oh yes, special sights specifically for you Kirsty tonight." Pinhead winked, nudging Kirsty playfully in the chest as she giggled naughty, face flushing red.

_'GO TO HELL!' the movie Kirsty yelled._

"Well that's just rude!" Pinhead said, no longer playful and lovey as he rather looked hurt.

"I didn't mean that!" Kirsty defended.

"No! No! I see your point my rude...sweet...augh! Why are you so beautiful sweet child so that I cannot show despise to you? !" Pinhead groaned frustrated, unable to show anger to her sweet face- (or sweet ass as he had thought pervertedly to himself).

So yes, Kirsty sent back all the Cenobites, in which the foursome that had originally been Kirsty's oriinal four best Ceno-friends, crossed their arms and made 'hmph!' noises, turning their heads away angrily while Kirsty insisted the movie wasn't over.

"Hobo!" Dreamer pointed out suddenly, at the mess of the burning house in the movie which indeed a saggy and creepy looking man arrived mysteriously.

"Oh yes Kirsty! Just CLING upon this Steve character!" Pinhead said, tears forming in his eyes at his childish jealousy.

"Is it just me or is the Puzzle Guardian a creepy stalker in this like a rude Wal-Mart greeter?" Elliot questioned.

"Hey! That's the same guy who sold me the Pillar of Souls!" Pistonhead gasped. As if FINALLY figuring that out.

Well- sorta. He tured into a dinosaur bones, took the ox, flew off back to the other old man, with the infamous quote of 'What's your pleasure sir?' being spoken.

Leaving all our Cenobite and human friends speechless.

"What. The. Hell. Did. I. Just. Watch?" Kirsty questioned.

"Crack?" Nikoletta suggested.

"I wouldn't know. Had to walk out every five minutes with my son." Joey shrugged.

"I say...LET'S WATCH THE SECOND ONE!" Dreamer excitedly declared.

Everyone else in the room face-palmed themselves.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if it sucks. The Pinhead jealous scene, the Cenobites singings, and Dreamer's kitchen disaster were definetely my favorite parts.<strong>


	3. Watching Hellraiser 2

WATCHING HELLRAISER 2

* * *

><p>"Oh no! I don't wanna do this! You guys can't make me!" Kirsty furiously pouted, crossing her arms and refusnig to so much as even make eye contact with the nearby television set.<p>

"Then go in the kitchen or something." Pistonhead suggested, casually shrugging his shoulders. In which those very words would be a suicide plea if you were to say that to a bunch of active feminists, or at least to demonic women.

"You're sick! You know that? !" Joey growled, handing Connor over to her beloved husband Elliot just so she could roll up her sleeves and prepare to punch the daylights out of the former nightclub owner.

_"Not that I'm like a pacifist or anything but is it seriously necessary to beat the living crap out of each other for every little thing?"_ CD remarked curiously, otherwise coming to the sorta defense of his friend.

"WELL IS IT NECESSARY FOR YOU AND YOUR CONSORT TO GET KINKY OVER EVERY LITTLE SCENE LIKE THE LAST MOVIE WAS JUST SAW? ! NO! DIDN'T THINK SO!" Joey screeched with the typical motherly tone. Well that could easily be explained for the fact she _was_ a mother after all.

"Was? ! Is Joey gonna die! Oh no!" Butterball gasped as if having heard the narration that spoke in past tense.

"What? ! NO! I'm not dying you idiot!" Joey groaned.

"The poor victims always attempt to remain so strong in denial." Channard murmured sympathetically, with him and Cameahead shaking their heads.

"I'M NOT DYING! ! !" Joey stamped her foot in a childish temper tantrum.

"Oh poor Connor! You'll never know your beloved and beautiful mother! Oh Joanne, why?" Elliot gasped, his face filled with disbelief and hurt as he started to blubber. Connor couldn't quite understand all the words being said, but his frost blue eyes could easily see his father getting all teared up and his mother's annoyed expression and took it as though there was bad news in the air.

And so both father and son proceeded to cry at the same time, with Joey hvaing her face in her hands by annoyance and frustration.

"Well that's an interesting new theory as to family bonds." Pinhead whispered sarcastically to Kirsty, who gasped in disbelief and frowned.

"Pinny Poo! That's not funny! What if Joey really was dying?" Kirsty demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

With all the demonic strength Pinhead could muster for the sake of his undying love to Kirsty Cotton, Pinhead resisted the urge to smirk at the idea of the reporter being dead, Well he was somewhat friends with her and all but they weren't exactly Woody and Buzz when they were together or left alone.

Now if this were _Feline_, not even the consequence of Kirsty leaving him for Trevor and being killed by Frank could stop our pin headed Cenobite from laughing at that little idea. It was pretty much safe to say the feeling was mutual with our cat-like Cenobite who despised every inch and existing presence of him for lying/manipulating/tricking her. The story? Way too damn complicated right now, plus who wants to hear our sassy friend go on a rant right now abouut him ruining already 90% angst filled life?

"Nevermind. Let's just get this movie overwith." the brunette beauty did her boyfriend a favor by shaking her head and ignoring her previous question. All the others nodded their heads in agreement, but suddenly Kirsty couldn't help but ask.

"How many films are available of this...'Hellraiser' anyways?" she asked, with Dreamer already fumbling her way with the Wii remote. Everyone tensed up as soon as she touched it, in fear her cooking curse carried to even doing the simplest tasks ending up in explosions.

"Mmm...nine in total." the deaming Cenobite pursued her lips and answered calmly, while Kirsty raised her eyebrows sky high and gasped.

"HOW LONG HAVE THESE HUMANS BEEN RUDELY ENTERING INTO OUR BUSINESS AND DAILY LIVES? !" Pinhead cried out, flailing his arms out and about wildly.

"For Leviathan's sake, what's next? ! A bloody sopa opera about all our lives? !" Nikoletta cried out, just as annoyed as the others.

_'I think you'd make a great Pocahontas babe.'_ Chatterer remarked in an effort to cheer her up. Well obviously that didn't quite work out!

"Wha-? ! Pocahontas is NOT a sopa opera! ! !" the Female Cenobite facepalmed.

"If you bring any animals in the house Pocaletta, I'm going Open Season on em. Just as a head's up." Feline casually shrugged, acknowledging her littl esecret hobby of mice-hunting. Except unlike those who constantly watched _Tom and Jerry_, Feline made the popular countless number of seasons in reality ending up as only a three minute episode ending with 'Jerry's' tragic demise. Hmph. Serves it right!

"I'M NOT POCAHONTAS!" Nikoletta screeched, growing increasingly annoyed.

"Ooh! If she's Pocahontas, can I be Snow White? !" Dreamer screamed with excited glee, bouncing on her seat.

"Hey! I don't wanna be that creepy prick Prince Charming! I'm nothing like him!" Pistonhead argued, crossing his arms.

"You're right. You're only a creep." Channard couldn't help but to intervene.

"COMING FROM THE DUDE WHO HAS SEXUAL FANTASIES ABOUT PINBOY'S SISTER! ! !" the nightclub owner accused.

"You have WHAT? !" Pinhead jumped in immediately after hearing that. It was already bad enough he was aware about Channard's major crush on Evelyn Spencer, but now he was crossing the PG allowed limits! ! !

"I- I- I- Xipe I would _never!"_ Channard sputtered and stuttered before gulping nervously, just for the sake he would remain alive and in one piece.

"And you have the nerve to lie to me as well! Why you!" Pinhead nearly launched himself right towards the tumor headed doctor, and probably would've succeeded in tearing him from limb to limb personally had it not been Chatterer, Butterball, Pistonhead, and CD held him back.

"Okay lets just get straight forward towards watching the film, shall we not?" Elliot chuckled nervously, helping the others out as to stopping Pinhead by placing Connor in his demonic counterpart's arms as he sped over to the Wii remote and hit 'play' for Hellraiser 2: Hellbound.

At the same time, Joey realized where her little precious bundle of joy had been placed instead of her husband's arms, and gasped.

"You left our son in the arms of- of- HIM? !" the reporter cried, pointing accusedly to Pinhead before quickly adding; "Er- no offense."

"No! Believe me Joey, I'm on your side with this on! I have no knowledge as how to handle a child!" Pinhead cried holding Connor awkwardly. If you call awkward by sideways and the kid nearly hanging upside down.

_"Oh yeah. You're a total natural."_ Chatterer remarked sarcastically.

_"Never seen such amazing professionalism up until now."_ CD added as well, sniggering.

"WILL THE BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP? !" Pinhead snapped viciously to the two.

"Um...I hate to point this out but, you realize technically they already have been shut up? They're speaking _telepathically_." Butterball remarked calmly but nervously.

"Who's side are you on you traitor? !" the pin headed Prince of Pain hissed.

"My side!" Feline said with a large grin wider than the Chesire Cat's smile himself. Actually, she could've put him to shame with the victorious glow on her face.

"Um, why do you like Bella Swan? I thought you loved Jimmy." the obese Cenobite asked, surprised.

_"EXCUSE ME? ! ? !"_ CD cried out, looking directly and suspiciously to his 'catty' consort.

"Wha- HE AIN'T TALKING ABOUT TWILIGHT TEAMS STUPID!" Feline groaned, facepalming herself, which unfortunately was a grave mistake in doing. All she did was accidentally slash herself across the forehead lightly with her knife fingernails. "Ow!"

"Dada!" Connor suddenly spoke softly in his sweet voice. his frost blue eyes looked to the one he directly meant it towards, but this wasn't exactly his true father Elliot this had been spoken to...

...But Pinhead!

"DEAR LEVIATHAN HE ADDRESSED ME AS HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER!" Pinhead screeched horrified as if the baby turned into a cockroac before his very eyes. It almost looked like he was going to throw Connor into another room, to which young mother Joey and the two broody Cenobites Feline and Dreamer kept their eyes peered just in case he attempted that action. But instead all he did was dash on his toes right to Joey, gently hand Connor over to Joey, before cowardly running right into Kirsty.

"I SWEAR ON THE NAME OF LEVIATHAN I HAVE NEVER SLEPT WITH JOANNE SPENCER AND HENCE THEREFORE NEVER ASSISTED IN CONCEIVING CONNOR!" he cried to Kirsty, practically violently shaking her.

"What's the matter PinBoy? Scared of paternity tests coming after ya?" Pistonhead mocked, grinning.

"I don't believe this!" Elliot cried out painfully. He immediately ran over to Connr and held him, frost blue eyes matching to one another.

"No no no no no no! No Connor! No! I'm your dada! Me! N-not HIM!" our World War I Captain was as hurt as ever that his own demon counterpart had stolen that special title for the first word of being called as the parent.

But instead, this time Connor looked over towards Chatterer and repeated the same thing; "Dada!"

Nikoletta then furiously slapped gawking Chatterer across the face, just only as a safe practice if by any chance he really was Connor's father.

"It was already bad enough when that time Connor had addressed Kirsty's ex stepmother Julia as 'Mumma!'" Elliot shrieked, making Kirsty snap her head up attentively.

"Now how in the Hell did you let JULIA of all people hold your son, Elliot? !" the fierce brunette beauty questioned, folding her arms. Both parents seemed to suddenly have blank faces and no recalling memory of that event.

"I...we..."

"I'm not quite sure how to answer that Kirsty." Joey remarked, interrupting her husband with the same confused tone as his.

Suddenly the loud and blaring music of the film made everyone jump in surprise, and quickly all fought valiantly back for their respective seats just as the main titles came out, including the name of the film itself.

HELLBOUND  
>HELLRAISER 2<p>

"You know, I have the oddest feeling that all these terms added purposely with Hell are meant as humorous puns. It just proves these humans are making a constant mockery of us!" Pinhead pointed accusedly once again at the television set like it was a criminal.

"Shut up or I'm gonna _Hell_kick your ass!" Feline sneered, purposely adding the Hell part just for pun kicks.

"Hopefully we have a more expanded and accurate role." Pinhead groaned, crossing his arms and muttering under his breath.

"Imagine this turns out to be a musical?" Pistonhead snorted with laughter to his consort, who giggled in agreement to the imagination of it.

"Oh PLEASE don't jinx this!" Nikoletta pleaded, already annoyed enough that the last film pointed out obliviously about the apparent 'friends with benefits' relartionship/fling she and Pinhead once shared.

_FLASHBACK SCENES OF HELLRAISER_

"Why _look!_ It's this STEVE character! How WONDERFUL!" Pinhead remarked in the utter most sarcastic tone one person whether human or demon could supress against gravity, rolling his coal black eyes.

"Would you stop making fun of him Xipe? ! For goodness sake's he's married to my best friend Tiffany now!" Kirsty jumped to her ex-boyfriend's defense. At first she hadn't really minded about her current boyfriend being not so happy, but it was only a matter of time before he took this hatred down the level...well...let's call it "the Feline hatred level". Boy was THAT a grudge or what? !

"I thought I'm your best friend!" Joey gasped, hurt.

"Well, you both are!" Kirsty said squirmishly, trying to compormise for both to end up happy.

"Oh and what the hell does that make the rest of us, huh?" Butterball demanded.

"Um..." Kirsty stuttered, eyes looking to the floor instead.

"Ha ha! Kirsty's in the nuthouse!" Angelique laughed, finally speaking after what everyone realized had been quite the while since she really said anything. Hmph. One must wonder out of curiosity just perhaps what exactly the princess was thinking (or plotting) during the entire time of silence.

"That's not funny! It was dark and cold and scary! My room smelled like sex and blood, the neighbors nearby woud never shut up, and the food was so gross it probably was the real reason people went insane!" Kirsty instantly blubbered into tears of the horrid memories.

"Huh...I never realized the place was that much of a wreck." Channard bemused with a stunned face.

"THAT'S COS YA KILLED ALL YOUR PATIENTS BEFORE THEY COULD WRITE A REVIEW YOU DUMBASS!" Joey cried loudly, as if on cue knowing that soon enough she was going to have to take Connor out of the room anyways due to the upcoming scenes.

"I like how you don't volunteer to take him out." Feline bitterly remarked with her golden eyes narrowed towads Elliot, who frowned at her.

_THE SCENES WITH KYLE_

"DAMMIT KIRSTY, AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE DID YOU HAVE FASCINATIONS FOR MEN SIMILAR TO THIS STEVE CHARACTER? !" Pinhead cried, nearly jumping out of his seat.

"Kyle was a very nice guy if you must know! Now sit down. Julia killed him." Kirsty sighed, not realizing her boyfriend nearby was doing a victory dance upon hearing the last sentence on the young doctor's status.

_CHANNARD RESURRECTING JULIA_

Everyone gawked merely in disbelief at the already embarassed doctor for his previous actions.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU PLAN ON DOING TO MY SISTER ONCE YOU ROB HER OF HER INNOCENCE? !" Pinhead furiously pointed accusedly to Channard.

"Are you gonna keep on SCREAMING every damn minute? !" Feline cried.

"Wait a second! If I recall rightly, weren't you all finding these horrifically graphic scenes to be sexually arousing?" Elliot inquired after taking notice.

"Eh, guess we all kinda overdid it on the last movie." Dreamer shrugged casually and answering in a mild tone.

"_But_ now that you mention it..." Pistonhead remarked.

"Alright I ain't gonna lie, all that pain is kinda arousing and amusing to picture." Feline smirked, getting a little twitchy and tone dripping of being turned on.

"Just go before you end up ruining the entertainment of the film for the rest of us fellow audience members attempting to actually WATCH the movie!" Elliot groaned, as all the couples zoomed past to grab a bed or couch.

Sheesh, how many couches and beds does Kirsty have anyways? !

While all the couples proceeded to bang over the sight of blood and pain, it was a bit of a cruel reminder for those currently in the 'forever alone' streak. to set the record straight, perhaps Elliot should've also added that the couples at least attempt to keep the volume low of all the sex crazed madness.

Even with the movie still going, all you could heard the nonsense moaning, groaning, screaming, thumping, booming, banging- Jesus! Yu'd think someone had broken into Kirsty's house and was trying totally destroy several rooms of hers instead of some 'simple' love making!

_'Oooh! Harder baby! Harder!'_

_'YES! YES! OH RIGHT THERE! OH YEAH PINNY! OOH!'_

_'JUST LIKE THAT! MORE! MORE BABY!'_

_'OOOH! OH! AH!'_

_'Oooooooooooooh baby!'_

_...'DAMMIT JP THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE CENO-STORK SO REMEMBER TO BE CAREFUL OR- OR- ARGH! OH BABE!'_

You could imagine the awkward silence downstairs. Thank goodness Joey was still outside tending to Connor at least!

"Soo...Elliot." Camerahead nodded.

"Erm, hello Daniel." Elliot greeted back awkwardly.

"Does Joey have a sister?" the former cameraman asked curiously with widened eyes filled with hopefulness.

"THAT'S IT! EVERYONE. DOWNSTAIRS. NOW!" Elliot furiously demanded as all the couples slowly one by one returned, some still with torn clothes and bruises. Not to mention-

"XIPE! PUT YOUR PANTS ON THIS INSTANT!" Elliot demanded in a fatherly-tone as his embarassed demonic counterpart quickly ran upstairs to collect his missing trousers/skirt thingy.

"Oh no! Not Kyle, he was such a hardworking young man." Channard sighed mournfully over the young doctor as basically Julia sucked his face off. His sentence was left ignored because of how awkward, sudden, and off-subject it was.

"Alright! I have returned and collected all the appropriate clothign present an- OH! OUF! OH! EEH! EEK! OH! OW OW OW OW!" at that moment Xipe had tripped from his cassock and came tumbling down the stairs painfully.

Feline was unable to breath with an overload of tears in her eyes from the laughter. Even Kirsty had to admit it was funny, but still she tended to her fallen boyfriend by helping him to the couch.

"Hey! That was my seat!" Nikoletta pouted.

"Find another then Pocaletta!" Kirsty snapped, as the Female Cenobite turned a furious shade of scarlet.

"I'M NOT POCAHONTAS GOD DAMMIT! ! ! !"

_SCENE OF TIFFANY OPENING THE BOX_

_'I swear if they have us singing when we come in I'm going to file a lawsuit.'_ Chatterer sneered bitterly.

"It couldn't be that bad." Butterball shrugged.

"Oh yeah? ! What if we come in singing I Wanna Be Like Other Girls? !" Nikoletta inquired, makin Butterball think twice on his statement.

"Or Colors of the Wind?" Dreamer mumbled jokingly to her consort, in which Nikoletta had just about had enough.

"I swear to Leviathan if I hear another mention of fuckin' Pocahontas-"

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Joey interrupted, finally feeling it was appropriate to return with a now asleep Connor in her arms. At this same timing on the film, Channard and Julia in the film were gawking as Tiffany had successfully solved the Box.

"All you guys have done os far is complain about what's happened from the film's potrayal. Well just WHAT really happened?" the reporter questioned, making the Gash flush, as well as Kirsty. Somehow it seemed as though something else had happened otherwise.

Another song in fact!

_WHAT REALLY HAPPENED DURING THE SCENE_

_Sure Tiffany had officially solved he Box and such. But the Cenobites didn't just march in all maliciously, but instead differently. Kirsty had come in at the moment trying to get Tiffany as far away from the recently solved box as possible, but instead they were caught in a trap!_

_Not only were the Cenobites in their usual leather attire, but feeling a little wickedly mischievious and dressed Medieval style as gypsies, all cackling._

_"Well well well, what have we here now?" Pinhead questioned, folding his arms together and grinning._

_"Spies!" Chatterer suggested._

_"Thieves!" Nikoletta accused._

_"...The pizza guys?" Butterball questioned._

_"NO! We're not spies! We're-" but Kirsty's sentence was cut off as both she and the already naturally mute Tiffany were bounded and gagged._

_"Don't you dare interrupt me, child!" Pinhead narrowed his coal black eyes to the two beautiful girls. "You're a very clever girl to have escaped us and Fate once child but not again! Unfortunately Kirsty Cotton, you won't live this time to tell the tale about your second encounter with us." Pinhead winked._

_**The Gash**_

_Maybe you've heard of a terrible place  
>Where the cruelest of beings collect in a lair!<em>

_Maybe you've heard of that mythical place  
>Called the Labyrinth<em>

_**Pinhead**_

_Hello you're there!_

_**The Gash**_

_Where there's pain and lust  
>And fulfilled pleasures<em>

_**Pinhead**_

_But the dead don't talk  
>So you won't be around to reveal what you've found!<em>

_**The Gash**_

_We have a method for spies and intruders  
>Rather like hornets protecting their hive<br>Here in the Court of Miracles_

_Where it's a miracle if you get out alive!_

_And so with unknowingly Channard and Julia sneaking behind to watch out of curiosity, the two girls had been taken to Hell- where a trial awaited for them to be hanged! Yikes!_

_**Pinhead**_

_Justice is swift  
>In the Labyrinth<br>Here I'm the lawyers and judge all in one  
>We like to get trial over with quickly<br>Because it's the sentence that's really the fun!_

_Any last words?_

_"MRFMFMRFMRFFFMFMHHHMHMG!" both Kirsty and Tiffany screamed out for muffled pleads. The Cenobite all giggled amusedly as Pinhead seemed to expect that and roll his eyes at the two girls._

_**Pinhead**_

_That's what they all say..._

_Now that we've seen all the evidence-_

_**Chatterer**_

_Wait! I object!_

_**Pinhead**_

_Overruled!_

_**Butterball**_

_I object!_

_**Pinhead**_

_SILENCE!_

_**Nikoletta**_

_Damn!_

_**Pinhead**_

_We find you totally innocent...  
>Which is the worst crime of all...<em>

_**The Gash**_

_SO YOU'RE GOING TO HANG! :D_

_FLASHBACK END_

"Oh my God..." Joey widened her eyes in disbelief and shock.

"You're dating a man who attempted to MURDER you? !" Elliot asked, practically shaking Kirsty just to be certain she was a sane person.

"That was then! Okay, Elliot? And this is now. All is forgiven." Kirsty smirked, kissing Pinhead on the cheek who gushed. But still the unconvinced Spencers shook their heads in disbelief.

_KIRSTY MEETS WITH THE CENOBITES_

"What. Was. That?" Kirsty questioned as slowly as possible, shaking her head in disbelief.

"We're...we...why..." Pinhead was at a total loss of words.

"The camera shows us spinning around? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY POCAHONTAS? !" Butterball cried, grabbing Nikoletta and shaking her as if THAT was going to be the right way to get an explanation. All it earned our obese Cenobite was two black eyes courtesy of Chatterer and Nikoletta.

_'Hmph. No difference personally with the glasses.'_ the chattering Cenobite shrugged.

"You people abuse me!" Butterball sniffled, pointing accusedly at the two who grinned contently.

"Were you all tripping out during that time?" Joey questioned, cocking her head to one side in confusion.

"Now that you mention it...I think I recall that this scene is actually pretty accurate..." Kirsty trailed off, with the memories flooding back instantly as the original Gash flushed.

"Well perhaps we got curious after your friend Tiffany escaped our wrath..." Pinhead attempted to place it as gently as possible.

"I mean, Channard's office isn't exactly the typical one you find.." Nikoletta added in, nodding in agreement nervously.

_'THAT CLEVER TUMOR HEADED BASTARD KEPT A STASH OF MARIJUANA! ALRIGHT! THERE! I SAID IT!'_ Chatterer suddenly blurted out, furiously pointing to the 'good' doctor.

"Oh that's real professional." Feline remarked, rolling her eyes.

"I most certainly did not carry such a supply-"

"A liar and drug user! All the more of reasons to not allow you to enter a relationship with my sister!" Pinhead remarked, folding his arms, pouting his lip, and holding his head in the air.

"You were the ones that bloody shot it all up in your systems!" Channard spat back.

_"Dare I ask, but what really happened then?"_ CD nervously asked for curiosity's sake.

"Well if I remember rightly things really went like this..." Kirsty trailed.

_FLASHBACK AGAIN!_

_"KIRSTY'S A LOSER LOL! ! !" Chatterer remarked, pointing immediately to the human nemesis the minute she ran right into them. "Look! We can all walk on the walls while you can't! Ha ha!" he continued to mock with the angle appearing as though they were spinning or something. I dunno man._

_"Spider-bite. Spider-bite. Does whatever a Spider-bite does. Can he fly, like the Ceno-stork? No he can't cos he's a spider look ooooooooooouuttt! He is a Spider-bite!" the chattering Cenobite telepathically sang while impersonating the Spider-pig. Or so he thought he was climbing on the walls. More or less it looked as though he were a dog locked out of a room trying to scratch his way in._

_"Really? Real mature you guys." Kirsty remarked, narrowing her eyes. Boy was she certainly not amused by the sight she could easily tell of the four once fearsome Cenobites stumbling around like a bunch of drunk as they had been during the first film. Only this time it wasn't booze in their system._

_"Whu? Oyh! KirsTEH! It's you! Wh-wh-wh-when did you get here? You- you- you SILLY GURL, you!" Pinhead sniggered, winking flirtaciously to Kirsty. All the more the reason the brunette got more annoyed at the four._

_"You know, I'm not quite the expert with how you guys run a work ethnic around Hell but this isn't quite professional. Your boss, whatever he or she or it is, is SO gonna fire you guys for this." Kirsty remarked, raising her eyebrows in the manner of a hinting, nagging mother._

_"Blah! Blah, blah! Ah quiet mom!" Chatterer groaned, barely able to stand and stammering slowly despite being telepathic. Pinhead jumped, and nearly fell to the floor as though someone had suddenly and violently pushed him._

_"Holy shnizzle sticks! Jabberer, yer baby Momma is Kristen?" the pin headed Cenobite basically lost it all by now._

_"Look guys! It's FALL!" Butterball cried out, with a handful of the mysterious green leaves the gang had found and throwing it in the air in a style like they were autumn leaves._

_"Darling, what is going on? Honestly that never happened! Lying is your FAVORITE passion! Leave meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Go where you beeeeloong! Higher heels and lipstick napkins, dying is your LURATEST fasSHUN!" Chatterer bursted out in an off-key rock song suddenly, falling to his knees and doing the poorest impression of the worm as imaginable._

_"KIRSTY!" Pinhead said, suddenly grabbing her into a forced bear hug. If this couple weren't so hot, I'm not gonna lie, this would look like a Pedo Bear moment. "And will allllllwaaaayssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" he screamed violently at the top of his lungs in a God awful version of his to Whitney Houston's wonderful song "I Will Always Love You"._

_BAM! Kirsty was freed from Pinhead's wrath, because Nikoletta hit him upside the head with a chair!_

_"You're all a bunch of dip shit morons! I want my money back! And a baby!" the Female Cenobite whined._

_"Er...Chatterer is not home at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Bee...bee...BEEP THIS MAN I GOTTA RUN!" the chattering Cenobite nervously started off after the mention of 'baby' knowing that was referred to him directly. He greedily tried to grab some of the mysterious green leaves from the floor and held them close, but instead they got crush in his grasp, and distracted by the tragic sight he walked straight into a wall._

_"I love this opera!" Butterball clapped giddily as he returned with a wagon-full more of the collected marijuana leaves._

_"Bob Marley ain't dead! He's right here! Yay!" Nikoletta excitedly screamed, pointing at absolutely nothing, or otherwise basically the wall in front of her._

_"I WANNA GO HOME!" Kirsty complained, releasing all her frustrations out. But the vent would prove otherwise a waste of time sadly._

_"Yeah? Well I wanna be Whitney Houston but we don't always get what we want now, do we? !" a semi-conscious and returning Pinhead mumbled while still face down on the floor._

_"Nevermind." Kirsty shook her head._

_FLASHBACK END (WELL NO DER DE DER)_

"You think that's insane? I overheard Pinhead profess his love romantically through a malicious song!" Channard cried out accusedly, just as in the same time the Cenobites and Channard got to their infamous fight- and they got their asses kick!

"WHAT? ! ?" Pinhead screamed, nearly throwin the Wii remote a mile away and causing Connor to awake and cry.

"Some Dada he is, isn't he Connor?" Elliot mumbled bitterly.

"That is SO not how we lost! Actually, we didn't even lose at all technically- let alone even die!" Nikoletta shrieked.

"This is even worse than te idea of them making us sing Poc- I mean songs!" Butterball stopped himself from mentioning the Disney princess for his own sake and not to piss off Nikoletta.

"Now before you all violently throws your insults on me, may I apologize ahead of time?" Channard attempted to reason, but it was of no use. Sigh. Here we go yet again with the flashbacks...

_THE REAL FIGHT_

_"Firstly I would at least like to make a mention of my epic song!" flashback Pinhead declared to the sky above of the narrator, who whole heartedly agreed as he began._

_"I bet it's so romantic!" someone had whispered excitedly as all eyes attentively fixated on him._

_**Pinhead**_

_Beatae Maria, you know I am righteous man  
>Of my virtue I am justly proud<em>

_Beatae Maria, you know I'm so much purer than the common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd_

_Then tell me Leviathan,  
>Why I see her dancing there<br>Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul_

_I feel her  
>I see her<br>The sun caught in her soft brown hair  
>Is blazing in me out of all control<em>

_At that same given moment before his eyes, in front of a random fireplace did the flames form a beautiful, corkscrew-curly haired girl- Kirsty! And she was dancing seductively._

_Like fire!  
>Hellfire!<br>This fire in my skin!  
>This buring desire is turning me to sin!<em>

_It's not my fault!_

_**Hooded Figures of Pinhead's Conscience**_

_Mea Culpa (My fault)_

_**Pinhead**_

_I'm not to blame!_

_**Hooded Figures of Pinhead's Conscience**_

_Mea Culpa (My fault)_

_**Pinhead**_

_It is the Cotton girl, the witch who sent this flame!_

_**Hooded Figures of Pinhead's Conscience**_

_Mea maxima culpa (My most grievous fault)_

_**Pinhead**_

_It's not my fault!_

_**Hooded Figures of Pinhead's Conscience**_

_Mea Culpa (My fault)_

_**Pinhead**_

_If in God's plan_

_**Hooded Figures of Pinhead's Conscience**_

_Mea Culpa (My fault)_

_**Pinhead**_

_HE MADE CHANNARD SO MUCH STRONGER THAN MYSELF!_

_Protect me, Leviathan  
>Don't let this siren cast her spell<br>Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone_

_DESTROY KIRSTY COTTON!  
>And let her taste the fires of Hell!<em>

_The fire Kirsty had mockingly blown a kiss to Pinhead and did another twirl, but then suddenly the image changed to her being tied to a post and burned. The fire girl let out a pained scream, as the smoke spirit came out from the chimney._

_Or else let her be mine and mine alone!_

_Pinhead attempted to grab for the smoke spirit of Kirsty, but instead failed as she vanished within his grasp. At the same time, he gasped and turned around to see the Gash gawking with horrified expressions on their faces._

_"Wha- what the hell was THAT? !" Chatterer demanded, his tone in shock._

_"Erm...my love song for Kirsty?" Pinhead nervously answered, as Nikoletta facepalmed herself in frustration._

_"Pinhead, when it comes to the concept of romance...YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! ! ! Argh!" she shook her head in disbelief._

_"You're all traitors to Leviathan! DUN DUN DUN!" Channard entered in suddenly in a melodramatic way while chasing after Kirsty and Tiffany._

_"IT'S THE PEDO-BEAR!" Butterball shrieked._

_"Damn straight on that one!" Kirsty called as she and Tiffany were cornered by the vicious wrath of the tumor headed doctor._

_"GASP! Channard!" Pinhead said, his face turning dark and violent."YOUUUU. SHALL NOT. PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" he cried proudly in the familiar manner of a certain someone us Lord of the Rings fans know of._

_"Already did. Idiot." Channard remarked sarcastically._

_"What does that mean?" Pinhead demanded, crossing his arms._

_"Um...I think it means he jumped the border." Butterball whispered to his master in effort for an answer._

_"Channard's Mexican? That's weird." Tiffany piped curiously and confused in for the first time._

_"TIFFANY YOU RACIST BITCH! SHUT UP AND DIE SO I CAN BE KIRSTY'S NEW BEST FRIEND!" Butterball yelled, making the young blond girl immediately turn silent once again for what would probably be for the rest of the adventure._

_"She was just asking a question! Gosh!" Nikoletta defended her, grabbing the nearby chair she had armed herself earlier before when she and the others earlier before were basically stoned._

_"Don't abuse me!" Butterball cowardly cried, jumping a good few feet away._

_"Um...Kirsty? I'm not sure if this is still the set plan but I think Pinhead wants to show you something." Chatterer sarcastically jumped in suddenly, referring to the little Hellfire song Pinhead was now terribly embarassed over._

_"SHUT UP! Or I'll tell an embarassing secret about you!" the Prince of Pain threatened, all while Channard waited patiently for the Gash to stop bitching at each other so they could properly fight._

_"Like what? ! Pffuit. I ain't scared." Chatterer said, basically doing a gesture that if he had eyes he'd be rolling them._

_"Fine then. Oh Nikoletta, Chatterer here l-"_

_"NOT THAT ONE!" Chatterer cried, turning a bright tomato red._

_"Good. Now- ongard!" Pinhead said, jumping to his feet and jumping about like a boxer to challenge Channard._

_"Hey Xipe, did you take more than marijuana like the rest of us?" Nikoletta said while trying to hold her laughter._

_"Whatever do you mean?" he asked, noticing that by now basically everyone was laughing at him,_

_"Nice fighting skills there Jackie Chan." Channard said grinning, as suddenly- he drew out a red lightsabre!_

_"Le gasp!" the entire Gash cried at the same time._

_"If you four are not with me in defeating the Cotton girl...then you are my enemies." Channard said, suddenly with dark eyes. At the same time, he did a bnch of showy tricks with his lightsabre as if in any attempt to impress whoever the hell was nearby. It wasn't quite working._

_"Boring." Kirsty yawned. "At least these guys over here kept it original with the chains." she said, pointing brightly to the Gash who beamed happily back at her._

_"SHUT UP! Or- or- I'll Force choke you!" Channard threatened, throwing a childish temper tantrum. He outstretched his hand as if expecting something to happen, but obviously Kirsty was perfectly fine._

_"I don't think it works." Tiffany remarked slowly, biting her lip to hide her amused giggles. Channard flipped her off, in which in revenge she and Kirsty flipped him off, and then he raised his other hand to flip her off, and at that Pinhead furiously flipped off Channard, Channard used one of his tentacle thingies to flip him off, and pretty much everyone was flipping one another off._

_"Do you think we're setting a bad example?" Butterball questioned, as the fellow Gash members merely shrugged._

_"Eh, who cares. Now- let's get to the REAL fight!" Pinhead grinned wickedly, frightening Channard as all four Gash members withdrew their own blue and green lightsabers. Well- that and Nikoletta had a unique purple lightsabre, to which her three male Gash members stared at her._

_"WHAT? ! Am I not allowed to express my feminine side?" she frowned. The others shrugged it off, before kicking Channard's ass in an epic style of Anakin vs. Obi-Wan battle._

_FLASHBACK END_

"Liars!" Channard frowned, crossing his arms and ruining the moment for the gang who had been grinning proudly at the 'memory'.

"Well it's the story a majority of listeners obviously listen! Who wants to hear the story of you somewhat being successful? That's like a Disney movie where the villain always wins!" Kirsty cried.

"Obviously she never read _The Hunchback of Notre Dame."_ Elliot remarked to his wife Joey, referring to the actual original Victor Hugo novel to the dark but awesome Disney film.

"Does Snape kill Dumbledore in that one?" Pistonhead asked, overhearing.

"DAMMIT JP! YOU RUINED HALF-BLOOD PRINCE FOR ME!" Camerahead groaned, violently throwing the book right at him. The two looked ready to brawl, but the sound of Channard clearing his throat made them stop.

"Alright now as to the true story-" Channard had started to say, which would enter us into another flashback.

"Summary short Channard chated and used his supply of marijuana to bargain with the Cenobites. They refused so hit Chatterer, Nikoletta, and Butterball with a frying pan when off guard and summoned Leviathan's mother to hornily chase after Pinhead for the rest of the entire time." Kirsty simply re-told the tale with unamused, narrow eyes at the bitter but admittedly hilarious memory.

At that moment, as if there was a disturbance in the Force from the memory of Leviathan's extremely horny, sex-crazed, Pinhead-obsessed mother- Pinhead twitched and shuddered.

"Dang Kirsty. You're really the sexy kind of cute when you're scared." Pistonhead obliviously remarked from another scene in the film of Kirsty running.

"JP!" Dreamer screeched, annoyed.

"Niki, I ain't gonna lie, you were fuckin' hot when you were a human." he once again obliviously remarked.

_"JP MONROE!"_ Dreamer threatened warningly, facepalming herself.

"...Tiffany ain't half bad either." Pistonhead blinked. "Oh wait, sorry babe. Did I do that disorder thing where I blurt things at first sight again?" he grinned apologetically but in a bit of a cocky way to his consort.

"I don't even wanna bother..." Dreamer muttered, shaking her head.

And so for the rest of the film we endured yet another blood scene, specifically of Julia's demise, and the 'battle' of Channard and Tiffany.

"God you look like such a pedophile in this scene." Joey said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"SHOULDN'T YOU BE TAKING CONNOR OUT OF THE ROOM BY NOW?" Channard groaned, not even wanting to hear it.

"Actually, Elliot volunteered this time." Joey smiried victoriously as her somewhat friend Feline huffed under her breath something of _'About damn time.'_

So, there was the gag-worthy scene of Channard and Julia kissing, but after his own demise with his head being ripped off (in which the Gash laughed their asses off until they nearly fell over and died (again) basically)- it turned out that was Kirsty in Julia's skin. And boy was Pinhead NOT happy!

"WOMAN! You dare enter relationships with this Steve character and go intimate with Kyle- but now CHANNARD? Why- why- why did you betray me? Did I do something wrong?" Pinhead cried out in disbelief and despair.

"It was for the sake of saving me and Tif's lives Pinny Poo! It was nothing mo-"

"That's what they ALL say!" Pinhead sniffled, interrupting his girlfriend.

_"Pffuit. You're one to talk Mr. Friends-With-Benefits."_ Chatterer bitterly remarked, still not happy to hear his girlfriend and Pinhead had once endured a little 'fling'.

"Shut up." our beloved Prince of Pain narrowed his eyes and frowned.

"So...Kirsty..." Camerahead suddenly piped in. Kirsty turned her head over curiously to the nearby cameraheaded Cenobite who had the most innocently curious look on his face.

"Does Tiffany have any sisters?" he asked.

"GET OUT." Kirsty remarked, pointing towards the door. Camerahead didn't exactly leave but he skulked to the nearby 'Forever Alone' corner which basically with Valentine's Day approaching, I myself will be standing nearby with him.

And so to a conclusion of this film, Kirsty and Tiffany suddenly entered in a hot lesbian kiss as the younger blond haired girl hopped into the Cotton girl's arms- and the two merrily skipped off into the sunset together.

"...YOU PEOPLE HAVE SICK FANTASIES! ! ! ! YOU KNOW THAT? ! ? !" Joey shrieked, pointing accusedly to all the Cenobites as if somehow able to have read their minds.

_"Joey, technically I'm supposed to forever stay on the PG level. You don't see me going PG with my girlfriend now-"_

"Chatterer don't even finish that sentence." Joey warned.

Okay so back to the conclusion of the film-

_THE END CREDITS PLAY 'COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP'_

Just kidding!

"Sorry, that' my phone going off." Joey grinned, answering quickly to the call.

_"Hypocrite."_ someone whispered, since after all she was the one who complained about 'sick things'.

"I find Joey's tastes in music to be...interesting!" Elliot defended. While some of the girls found his defense to be sweet, several of the guys pretended to make gag faces and throw up.

No being serious though, the movie did end though with the end credits now rolling.

"Wow we're such trolls while watching movies." Dreamer remarked, shaking her head.

"Could you imagine us attempting to watch the movies at the times they had entered the theaters?" Pistonhead laughed.

"We'd've been kicked out after ten minutes for being so damn obnoxious!" Feline snorted in laughter.

_'Didn't that happen when we went to see Titanic, babe?'_ CD questioned.

"Nah that was the time we got kicked out for having sex in the theaters." the cat-like Cenobite casually shrugged, as if not even aware there were others all nearby.

"Wait! I thought that was us that got in trouble for that!" Pistonhead piped in, with his and Dreamer's expressions confused.

"Nah you're thinking about that really screwed up Christmas party with the pole dancer, Elvis impersonator, racist truck driver, and the-"

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION PEOPLE!" Kirsty cried, plugging her ears. Just about everyone else could agree.

"I rather liked the movie." Pinhead finally remarked, after being quiet for a while.

But everyone shuffled awkwardly about the third film, and God knows what could possibly be on it!

"So...Dreamer..." Camerahead shuffled his feet and eyes looked to the floor.

"No. Only child." the dreaming Cenobite sighed, annoyed.

"Damn. Hey Pocahontas! What about you?" the camerman friend of Joey's eyes light up hopefully.

"I'M NOT POCAHONTAS DAMMIT! ! ! !"

* * *

><p><strong>Oy, such randomness.<strong>

***cries* RIP WHITNEY HOUSTON! I've been a fan of hers before her death FYI, since I was baby. :')**


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